Friday, August 25, 2006

mmm... bacon!

Can we get enough of bacon? Apparently not, if these images I found are of any indication. It's amazing what you can find out there. Bacon, bacon, bacon! I mean, I was going to even put a bad Kevin Bacon pun in this post somewhere, but all these bacon-related products just put me in too good a mood (and taste). The really cool thing is that all of these products are actually real, saleable, buyable (but probably not consumable) goods. Sadly though, I couldn't find any bacon pants. Enjoy.

What would Bacon do? How the fuck would I know? But I'll tell you what would... this handy little ...piece of cardboard with a strip of bacon attached. You'll never have to make a decision again!

For all your bacon related boo-boos? I've already purchased a pack and plan to stick random strips on my wife in her sleep. If you're reading this dear, that's just a joke. I love you honey! Really! I do! ... put the knife down, dear... the bandages haven't arrived yet.

I have no idea what the hell a bacon-wave actually is, and I can only presume it's some contraption designed to make bacon microwavable. Which is the stupidest idea I've heard all day - and keep in mind I work with students & academics. How fucking hard is it to pick up a frypan, throw some bacon in it, and turn the stovetop on? Probably a damned sight easier than loading individual strips of bacon in that fucking thing. I'll bet fried bacon is tastier, too.

Mmm! Pressed bacon! Seriously though, what the fuck? A bacon presser? For all your bacon-pressing needs? Stop fucking pressing it and just eat it already. Dickheads.

Do not stand on the bacon?

So, you've eaten too much bacon to comfortably walk anywhere anymore, but you don't want to betray the salty, tasty meat by eating something else? Here's the solution - gummy bacon. Strawberry flavoured! I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so wrong as this. mmmm.

But can it get any better than this? Of course fucking not. Imagine the possibilities... teasing children, animals & vegans without so much as even having to try. Fan-fucking-tastic. Finally, a wallet that doubles as an appetiser.

Bon appetit, and have a baconey good weekend.

Da Rantolotl.

P.S. - Just when you thought that bacon related oddities only came in image format... think again.


Fandango Jones said...

This raises a question that I've wanted answered for a long time now - perhaps Dr. Rantolotl can help...
Just what the hell do americans do to their so called 'bacon'? Do they even get it from pigs? What the hell?!

I have *never* seen bacon that looked like thin lines of beef-jerky running through gargantuan slabs of fat. I thought that bacon was meant to be... well, MEAT! You know? The fleshy parts, not the flubbery parts!

Can't get coffee right, can't even get MEAT right... how the hell are they the biggest country in the world?!

the rantolotl said...

Ah, I'm glad people are starting to address me by my proper and full title. 10,000 awesome points to Fandango.

Now, as a doctor, I am well versed in American bacon. Like most american 'meat', their bacon bears little resemblance to their worldwide counterparts.

My favorite bacon oddity in the US however, would hands-down have to be what they call "Beef bacon". Maybe this tells you something about the US meat industry. Everywhere else, bacon tends to be a pig-only thing. Not so, over there, my friends. Although, maybe they have some strange species of pig which produces milk and has horns or something.

I'd like to see them extend this even further. Chicken bacon? Why the hell not!

But as your lawyer, er, doctor, I advise you stay away from american bacon, in particular the beef-bacon. It's just all too wrong.

the rantolotl said...

I should add that my father was horribly offended the last time we ate together, when I cut all the fat strips off my bacon. I know, this is terribly unaustralian, but to be fair, it was a plate full of bacon & sausages. I thought I was going to die.

Fandango Jones said...

I think investigations should be made into the production of Koala bacon. That shit would sell like hotcakes to overseas markets! You could then make little bags and curios out of the skin! Hells yeah!

I should patent these ideas - they're a goldmine!

John said...

LOL "Do not stand on bacon"

Bozza said...

For the record, I had beef bacon several times on my Egyptian holiday (given that roughly 90% of the Egyptian population is Islamic, they don't eat meat from pigs).

At almost every buffet breakfast there was beef bacon available. My Nana thought it was shocking, but I loved it. Can't quit recall the attitude of said bacon from others on my tour group. You might think I'm strange, but then my brother thinks I'm strange for liking pizza with anchovies, hey perhaps I just have strange taste!

Joanne said...

mmmmmmm... anchovies...

Bozza said...

YES!!! That's the spirit Joanne. I can't understand anyone not liking anchovies. What is there to dislike about them?

Joanne said...

Anchovies are great, trouble is there's so few pizza toppings that complement them.