Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Australia says no, Kim.

Until now, we never thought he was capable. We called him gutless. We even called him useless. I personally, made constant references to his ability to eat children. Whole. But here we have it... Kim Beazley makes a stand. Lets all give him an upstanding round of applause for managing to be more obvious, conservative, and even less tactful than the conservatives themselves.

Here's the guts of it:
"Mr Beazley's plan would require all new Australian visa applicants - including people seeking holiday visas - to sign a statement affirming their respect for Australian institutions, different religions and cultures, women, and hard work."

What a fucking load of shit. I'm Australian, and I know full fucking well that I'm a lazy fucking worker in a government supported 'Australian' institution that makes a profit from fucking over people of 'other cultures'. I'm not sure wether that makes more or less un-Australian now, but I expect to either implode or explode from the inherent contradictions any minute now. And since when did we respect women, anyway? There had fucking well better be a clause involved there.

...respect for women*...

*...women, defined as females who stay at home, reproduce, do the housework, and cook sunday roasts. Unless they're single - then that female can be identified as 'that filthy, dirty, bitch/slut/whore bludging off my taxes'

I don't want to go on a feminist tyrade on your asses or anything, but c'mon! It's Australia! We beat our wives for breakfast! We still have a segregated workforce, for fucks sake! How many women do you see work in IT? Engineering? I bet you can count them on one hand. Sure, women have the vote, but we're still one of like three fucking nations that doesn't even provide paid maternity leave. Germany provides way better conditions for women in the workplace, and we know how naughty they've been in the past, don't we? And in case you think they're just trying to be nice so no one can call them nazis anymore, there's plenty more nations lacking in the fascism area who seem to aknowledge that women can be workers, childbearers, or even workers and childbearers. Scary, but true!

But maybe I have Beazley all wrong. Maybe he's not the racist populist reactionary he appears to be. He might simply need to be more clear in his approach. Maybe he actually means that white Australia reserves the right to remain discriminatory assholes, and that anyone entering the country has to be socially aware enough to make up for the rest of us. In fact, why don't we just hang a few signs up over the borders.

'No more bigots please, quota filled.'

or maybe the simple, elegant, yet catchy;

'White Australia: Assholes, so you don't have to be'

But fucking really. This man is the public face of government opposition in Australia. And what a fucking cockup he's made of that. No, Mr Howard! Do it this way! You'll fuck over more people like that. What a wanker. And what's this bullshit about respect for all religions? Every fucking night of the week we see the government & the media directly associate terrorism with Islam. I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem terribly respectful to me. It doesn't even seem particularly accurate, either. Over the past couple of decades, the closest thing Australia's seen to a terrorist attack was Martin Bryant, a good 'ole white boy christian. Worldwide, the most prominent display of terrorism would surely be in the middle east - thousands displaced, civillians bombed, shot, and driven off property, whole towns blown up, massive land grabs, and the ongoing annexing of land... all perpetrated by (drumroll please), Israel. Huh. I didn't know the Israeli state had converted to Islam.

But wait - I'm being silly. We all know that anything that goes on in the middle east doesn't count, so lets try closer to our western homes. Hmmm... lets see... Oklahoma! Timothy McVeigh...100% home grown hick! Then there's the minor matter of rabid catholics who like to blow up abortion clinics & their security guards. In the UK, we have the IRA who I think we can safely ascertain are not Islamic... although, I'm pretty sure I saw a chick in a hijab in Dublin once... and you know how these things are all linked up *nudge nudge wink wink*.

But yes, *ahem* back to Beazley. What a fucking crap opposition leader. His entire role as leader of Labor & the opposition seems to consist of tidying the edges of Howards neo-liberal reforms. How very kind of him; maybe he'll offer to suck Howards cock after finalising the draft immigration documents. It'd probably be the most useful thing he's done in his latest stint of 'leadership'.

It's been a big week for fuckheads all 'round. Maybe it's something in the water. Maybe it's a side effect of all this Steve Irwin-itis. Either way, it's bad fucking news. Pauline Hanson cropped up in the most unlikely of places... donut king advertising. I didn't catch what she actually said on these ads as I was too busy yelling at the TV, but I can only assume it was something along the lines of 'Donut King - the donuts of White Australia'

But Pauline! Don't you realise? Donuts are American! And worse! Have you seen the ones with chocolate icing? Yellow sprinkles?!!!

Fuckheads. The lot of them.

Fin. rantolotl.

The Age, Tuesday 12/09/2006

The Ethnic Communities' Council of Victoria has dismissed as "absurd" a call for new arrivals to Australia to sign a values statement.

Opposition leader Kim Beazley has suggested Australian visa forms could include a statement of Australian values so all people arriving in the country would understand what was expected of them.

Prime Minister John Howard said today he would consider the idea, saying he was in favour of reinforcing Australian values to those who intend migrating to Australia.

But Ethnic Communities' Council of Victoria chairman Phong Nguyen said in a statement the plan seemed "unnecessary and ill-considered political point scoring from the federal opposition".

"Getting visa-holders to tick a box saying that they support hard work is hardly the key to making Australian multiculturalism work or defeating terrorism," he said.

Mr Beazley's plan would require all new Australian visa applicants - including people seeking holiday visas - to sign a statement affirming their respect for Australian institutions, different religions and cultures, women, and hard work.

"The concept of getting holiday makers to sign up to Australian values is clearly absurd," Mr Nguyen said.

He said the need for strong national leadership in issues of race and immigration had never been greater.

Mr Nguyen also urged federal Labor to "start making more meaningful contributions to current debates around immigration and national identity".

Mr Howard told Macquarie Radio today Mr Beazley's plan might be counter-productive if such a message was sent to short-term tourists.

"I mean there is a difference between somebody who's visiting the country for two or three days, and if somebody is a terrorist intent on carrying out a raid, they happily will pledge allegiance because they're about to blow themselves up," Mr Howard said.

"I consider all suggestions in this area, including those that come from the Opposition."

He said the message should be to people who come to Australia to live.

"What you have to do is to get people to integrate, and if part of that integration process is to better understand and more strongly commit to Australian values, then I'm all for it," Mr Howard said.

"I don't believe in abandoning a non-discriminatory immigration policy. That would send the wrong signal to moderate people around the world.

"They would feel they are excluded and would feel there was a universal hostility to a particular religious group and I don't think that is helping."



Krus said...

I think we should go one step further. Everyone that wants to enter the country must first fire up a bbq, cook some sausages or steaks, wear an akubra, drink some XXXX and beat up somebody. That will sort out the people who have true "Mateship, blokey bloke, occer aussie spirit".

It is good to know that we can stop terrorists and other naughty people coming to annoy us with something so simple as a check box or statement of "Values".

Are you a terrorist?
Yes [X]
No [ ]

SHIT! They got me. Oh well, may as well turn myself in for a short stay at Her Majesties torture chamber... err Prison..

CJ said...

The best rantolotl yet! her rantolotlness may have lost a gallbladder but she still clearly has her spleen!!

Joanne said...

Stupid shit. I remember here a few years ago, when buying a new computer the purchase forms included this bit:

Do you intend to use this computer for the purposes of terrorism?

What terrorist in their right mind is gonna tick the yes box??? It's just saying it for the sake of saying it. Dumbfucks.

Fandango Jones said...

The best rantolotl yet? Nah, I don't think so - lost form aorund the middle for a bit.
I give it a B.

And no, that is *not* a B for Beazley.

the rantolotl said...

Your comment gets a D. It had no form at all.

Fandango Jones said...

Oh come on, how hard is it to make fun of Beazley? You could jangle a bunch of keys infront of him and keep him entertained for hours!
It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except they're already dead and you're using an RPG.

Besides, it *did* lose pace for a while.

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

the rantolotl said...

wow! extra money! Free extra money! *smacks head*

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Joanne said...

Fucking spammers!!! Is nowhere safe from these sharks??

arleeshar said...

I've been looking in various places for mention of the Pauline Hanson advertisement travesty, because I thought I was mad when I saw her face pop up on screen. But I wasn't. Apparently. Thankyou. trackback to my post about Hanson, if you're interested.

Joanne said...

Is that a fin in the water?

Bozza said...

Kym Beazley really has sunk to new lows. Making any prospective Australian resident sign a form on Australian values (let alone a holiday maker) is just plain stupid. I thought having clear rubbish bins in place of normal rubbish bins for the Commonwealth Games was the dumbest anti-terror strategy I ever heard of......until I read Joanne's post.

RunningWithScissors said...

Your Kim Beazley post needs more angry pants man.

Kim Beazely said...

Australian values of mateship are important. It's what this makes this country tick. Just look at the Beaconsfield mining rescue. It couldn't have happened without mateship. And those blokes who represent everything that is Australian.

We, we Australians, witnessed a rolled gold miracle and a great Australian epic. An epic of mateship. An epic of family. People taking responsibility for each other with skill.

So, this was a rolled gold miracle (oh, did I say that already? oops). A great Australian epic come to a successful conclusion but tinged with sadness for the family of Larry Knight.

lisa said...

The funniest thing I think is describing a mining disaster as 'rolled gold'. What an f-ing idiot. Really.

Do you think it's Beazely or his speech writer? Either way, someone should be listed under the dictionary definition of jingoism.