Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The shoe dilemma

Well, I was just wandering down the street in my lunch break, avoiding pedestrians wherever possible, when an old man (wielding a rather nasty stench) walked up to me and barked "14th! 14th of March!". I thought, yes! So it is! That means it must be just about time for another Rantolotl update & a bath for the old man! So then, here we are...

I have stupidly large hands and feet for a woman. Usually, I think this comes in handy(oh! The wit! What a pun!) because I get to swim faster, maybe run a little faster, generally have a better physical grip on the world than most people in my demographic. Excellent! But then come the downfalls... Feet being trodden on pretty much every time I catch public transport, them being constantly referred to as 'land yachts', and most annoyingly, shoes.

After 24 years, I've managed to secure two locations in which I can sometimes buy dress shoes at a reasonable price. The constant raging battle with slippers though, is yet to be resolved. I can only ever find slippers in mens sizes, but they're always shades of old-man-brown or have fucking great Ford logos all over them or some other shit. Where's the choice? Where's the designs for men who aren't petrol headed yobs?! I've searched far & wide - particularly last winter when my toes were threatening mutiny - but have come up with absolutely nothing, but a growing resentment towards indoor footwear manufacturer. And that's when it hit me;

Surely men dressed like this would not lower themselves to v8-endorsing indoor footwear! I thought I had finally achieved insight into getting slippers for my boats, and started looking for gay men to question on the issue. My partner even started trawling cross-dressers sites in search for slippers in sensible sizes (actually, she might've already been at those sites) - but it was not to be. Several months in, and there's no lead on the issue, and I remain (seemingly forever) slipperless.

Cross dressers, flamboyant gaymen, and women with big feet of the world unite! Our feet & their desires are discriminated against by the capitalist slipper making patriarch, and enough is enough! We demand comfortable footwear without having to sacrifice our dignity! Today, we stand united for our rights to not look like bogans in the comfort of our loungerooms! Join us, small or large footed in our fight in the footwear revolution lest you be first against the wall...

In other news, someone posted this little gem on the comments board for my last post. I think it's fantastic, and am putting it up here for all of us to see and admire. Maybe it can be our logo for the slipper revolution - we can charge forth with banners with Pith-helmet boy on them in all his recreated glory. By the look of himself in that safari suit, I think we're all fairly certain he 's a cross dresser.

Official Spokesperson of SlipSEC


cj said...

I would just like to make it quite clear that it was the potential of slippers and not pretend rubber vaginas or breats that drew me to those cross-dresser sites...

Fandango Jones said...

Oh, naturally. We all know that had you really been looking for novelty breasts, you would have been on this site.

Doesn't he look happy?
After all, as the song goes: Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.