Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Pigeons, anyone?


My name is Phoenix, and I'm an alcoholic. Ah! No! I mean, I'm an academic.



Okay... Right... Lets try that again...

Hi! My name is Phoenix, and I'm an anarchist.

I like long sunny walks on the beach, talking about myself endlessly, and spending my parents cash to bring the system down. Kittens and rainbows are pretty cool too, but only if they're directly associated with me, somehow. Oh, and they should be autonomous, too. Ohhh, and anti-corporate. Hey, that's a great name for a band, isn't it? The Anti-Corporate Kittens! And yeah, it sounds girly, but it's okay, we'll put a dirty, unwashed, hippy... ah! ...non oppresive man at the front, and it will break down the sexist barriers and stereotypes. I'll play the bass guitar, because I don't really know anything about music, and I can't be up the front, because if anyone saw me, it might affect my other life... you know, the corporate one. *giggle*

So you know, yeah, we should totally have a general strike. But first, we need to build alternative schools and gardens and water tanks, you know, like we can establish a whole counter infrastructure that isn't governed by
the state. So when we have our general strike, we can eat carrots without relying on supermarkets. And we can bring our bongo drums and create the peoples entertainment! Yeah! So like, yeah, raise this idea in your union branches. I'm too busy to attend my branch meetings, because I have to work in the corporate world - in my other life - but you should all go and raise these issues. Yeahhh!

You know what else I've heard are good? Magnets! Magnets for healing. You just strap them
to yourself and drink some chamomile tea, and you feel so much better, man. And it's totally non-corporate. Sure, I mean, yeah, I sell those magnets for a company called Dick Wicks, but they're really into providing healing solutions that don't force people into the corporate world of western medicine and doctors and phamacies. So yeah, you should buy yourself a magnetic underlay, and you'll feel a lot better, and it's less damaging to the environment too.

What? Well, sure, there's no studies or proof that these magnets work, but that's only because western corporations conspire against magnets because they know they're a threat to their profits and the consumers way of life. Anyway, they stole
magnetic technology. Have you ever had those chewable vitamin C tablets? Or multivitamins? Yeah? Well, they're made of magnets. They're just a digestable form of magnet. And did you ever wonder why kittens make you feel so good? That's right... they're magnetic. If you hold a kitten up to a fridge or a car, you'll notice they stick to it. That's the sign of a good kitten. But I don't own a fridge. It's oppressive and you shouldn't buy food that needs refridgeration, because a corporation has probably handled it somewhere along the way. They're profiting off your hunger, man. I only own a car in my other life, the corporate one *giggle*, beause you know, otherwise I'd have to get up half an hour earlier to catch public transport to my corporate workplace. Public transport is just another corporate scam, too, man. Don't buy into it. It's bad for your karma.

So yeah, I was walking up the road the other day, with my dog on a string, because leashes are just totally oppressive, man, and they really restrict Bakunin the dog's freedom. So I like to really stick it to the pigs, by tying using a piece of string instead, because you know, it's biodegradable, and they can't arrest me for it. It's like, totally awesome civil disobedience and every little bit helps to bring the system down. Yeah.

So, Bakunin and I were goin
g for a walk, and we met some socialists up the road, who were postering for a rally. I tried to engage them in friendly, non violent discussion on how rallies are oppressive and simply lead people, and that no one should be forced into being led, but then they told me to help out or fuck off. So Bakunin and I tried to help them by offering to create an open space at their rally where we could discuss our differences and educate each other on the inclusiveness of direct action, and like, carnivals, and reclaim the streets, for those who don't want to be led. That's when they told me to piss off, and I'm pretty sure one of them was eating a meat pie, which is totally counter-revolutionary, because, I mean, do you know how many litres of water go into growing a cow into a pie? Do you think that cows want to be led?

So yeah, I got into touch with my affinity group, and we're going to go and educate them some more, but we decided that we might need to, well, you know, beat the living solidarity out them. But first, we need to go and liberate some more black material from spotlight, because we got a little carried away with our flags at our last direct action, and well, they caught a bit on fire. But it was totally symbolic, and we feel that it was another necessary step in bringing the system down.

No war but class war!

Yours sincerely,



Fandango Jones said...

I hope you're maintaining this symbol of Corporate mind-control during your corporate life, Pheonix - I'd hate to think that you'd succumbed to The Man's influence and that we'd have to rise up as individuals and instigate a non-violent, un-oppresive arse-whoopin' on you.

Peace out' Bra'.

CJ said...

Are you a police spy? Because you've been to all the rants and like we know there's a police spy on this blog somewhere but yeah, we don't care because we're stronger than you piggy corporate state oppressor type.

esmerelda smith said...

Dear Rantolotl,
Why do people, on the whole, in general, on the average, mostly suck????

the rantolotl said...

Well Esmerelda,

Tough question, but one with a simple response none the less! Most people suck because they're uneducated dolts who are either looking for someone else to blame for all their boredom (which is why dodgy current affairs programs are so vastly popular), or are looking for their own little slice of uniqueness, and do so by picking up label a, b or c (in this case, A is for Anarchist), and running with it as far as they can get.

Then there are the intelligent people like you and me and well, *some* of my readers, who try to individually assess information as it comes in. We're the good guys. But sometimes, good guys turn into smug self righteos gits, who really must recieve a kick up the arse, and a swift slap to the face if ever they are to recover.

I hope that answers your question,

Joanne said...

I once got stuck "working" with a bunch of anarchist medics for 3 or 4 days in the clinic at a convergence space, it was bollocks.

They don't believe in each individual medic just knowing their job and getting on with their job, oh no, everything has to be discussed and debated until no actual work gets fucking done at all that day. Useless. I swear, if they ever came across somebody bleeding from the neck they'd sit about in a circle discussing whether to use a pad or a clamp - JUST FUCKING PUT YOUR HAND INTO YOUR KIT AND USE THE FIRST FUCKING THING YOU PULL OUT, JUST GET THE FUCKING WORK STARTED, IF NOT DONE.

They don't believe in any form of heirachy, ok that's pretty much a given, but in something so complex and dangerous as field medicine there has to be a heirachy. Should a first aider debate with a doctor or nurse as to what needs doing, or just yield to the greater experience and training? When dealing with large numbers or working under dangerous conditions the only way to get it done is just to plough on with what you're supposed to be doing and know that everyone else is doing what they're supposed to be doing, otherwise it breaks down entirely and nobody gets treated. That is established fact, there is no possible way to dispute that. Now, until we start using telepathy the only way it will be possible to organise that way of working is to have a field commander, somebody whose job it is to delegate tasks. They can be as elected and accountable as you like, but they have to be in a position where they can deploy resources tactically. But that would mean having somebody in charge, ooh no, scary!

The trouble is that anarchists make up by far the bulk of left activist medics, stupid bastards'll get us all killed.