Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Qantarse

All around the country, you can hear the sound from every boy and every girl, the likes of which has not been heard since the hallowed days of Steve Irwins rather timely death. You know what I'm talking about. That's right... it's the collective

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Right up there in the headlines today, even managing to top 'Motorbike hits pub' is the cause of this massive outpour of concern: Qantas takeover approved! The papers as they hit the stands guaged the man on the streets' take on this disastrous day for Australians worldwide:

'It's a dark day indeed for the Australian public and businesses.' - Steven F of Broadmeadows could be heard muttering into his copy of the Herald Sun. 'I for one am shocked and appalled!' Stated Joan Saunders of Caulfield, over her morning cup of tea. One commuter reported hearing many comments on his train this morning, describing the takeover green-light as yet another nail in the coffin for Australian corporations. But it was this sentiment from Amy of Warrandyte that summed it up for all of us: 'I want a helicopter' she stated solemnly. Dark days indeed. And as decades come and go, there's one thing we can be sure of in this world of uncertainties - in fifty years time when your grandchild asks you where you were the day the Qantas takeover was given the go ahead, you will be able to retell that fateful day with the certainty of a traumatic event forever etched into ones mind - in this case, the mind of a nation. A proud, prestigious nation, stuffed like a pinata with an unadulterated love for its national symbols.



Does anyone have idea what the big fucking deal here is? Yes, Qantas is selling a large chunk of itself. Congratulations Qantas. Yes, there will probably be job losses, but looking at the employment history of Qantas, this is nothing new, and would likely have happened, sale or no sale. In fact, this time the company might not be able to get away with a bout of sackings, and hide behind a protective and flag. 'But... it's not in Australia's interests to keep these people employed!' they shall cry once more, but this time we shall respond in kind... 'screw you, you're an foreign company now, and you know how we deal with your kind here', and the company shall be led away, arms restrained behind back and tossed into Baxter detention center, children and all, for the rest of eternity. Yeah, alright. So that won't happen - but it's only because they've promised to keep the kangaroo on their tail. That should keep us all fooled for awhile.

But really - why is anyone upset about this? Every time I go to the airport I watch people patriotically fly Qantas, and talk it up about how great Qantas is with all the pride of millionaire donating his sons' kidney to some sodding child orphaned by a tragic accident involving the family cow on christmas day. Get fucking real - Qantas has shit service, a shit attitude, particularly shit prices, and even shittier on board entertainment. As far as international airlines go, it's pretty damned shit. Now if you want to pay extra to travel on this airline because it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy and give you that arrogant, self righteous Australian-tourist glow, then be my guest, in fact, be Qantas's - but don't you dare forget that you've just thrown a cool two grand away on the worlds most obvious patriotic-idiot tax.

Qantas are profiteering bastards just like every other company getting about out there. The only difference is that they can mask their particularly shitty behaviour by using jingoistic slogans and logos, capitalising on the stupidity of flag wearing morons everywhere. So they're going to be sold? Boo fucking hoo - maybe now you can go and fly on a real airline and work out that there's more to international flights than having your food thrown at you by some dumpy old arsehole who refuses to get you another beer. Do yourself a favor and find yourself a real ariline. You'll save a few hundred bucks, you'll actually get some real service, and you won't get ejected from your flight if you spit on the Qantas check-in counter.


Sincerely,
The Rantolotl.



PS - Krus, this is for you:


9 comments:

Fandango Jones said...

Bonus points for use of a Pinata.
Minus points for use of Mounties.

The Rantolotl said...

Hey, Krus asked for Canadians! Would you deny him that?!

Bozza said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bozza said...

Now that Qantas has been sold (and taking into account recent events with flight attendants and passengers) it has now come up with a new slogan...

Quickies
Available
Now in
Toilet
Ask
Staff

This had been going around on email so I thought I should share!

Also, we've been told that a foreign company can purchase up to 49% of the Airline. Maybe Connex will purchase 49%, then the Airline can change its name to Qannex.

But yeah, seriously why the fuck are people making a big deal over this. I would see where people were coming if hypothetically the airline was publicly owned like Telstra, Medibank etc used to be and the airline was about to be privatised, then yes, there would be good reason to be pissed off about it.

But the Airline is already privately owned for fuck sake, so what does it matter to ordinary people if 51% is owned by an Australian millionaire and 49% is owned by a foreign millionaire as opposed to 100% of it being owned by an Australian millionaire?

Anyway, Qantas in its entire history has never had one of its planes crash, although that may change if they start buying Siemens planes.

Fandango Jones said...

"Hey, Krus asked for Canadians! Would you deny him that?!"

Well, on one hand... Canadians.
On the other... Doing something to spite Krus.

Hrmm... tough call =p

Kipper said...

When is someone going to mention those squawling infants Qantas sends around the world to lip-sync on their TV ads?

sperm said...

I fly qantas not to be patrotic, I fly it domestically because the pilots are so obviously better skilled than the other airlines - what do you expect for the wage differences !

Internationally I tend to fly with the cheapest, tho if the difference is not great, I'll go qantas for earning frequent flyer points.

Personally, I could give a rats its being sold and I even have a relative that works as a qantas mechanic !

Are we possibly confusing nationalism with socialism here ??

rws said...

In its credit, Qantas has never given me food poisoning UNLIKE ANOTHER AIRLINE

Um, I think they gave my brother food poisoning one time though :P

Antonio said...

Qantas are arrogant, expensive and can only thank luck for not having crashed yet. They have gotten pretty close a few times now.

And their hostesses blow (literally).