Monday, April 02, 2007

Monsters! They were ten deep!

Righto, Rantolotoids (yes, you have a new name. I figure if I'm going to ask you to do something, I should probably stop calling you scum.) - it's your last chance to get suggestions in for the Brunswick Easter Blendtacular. Think of the glory - seeing your suggestion have its own life... a life that may end in the rubbish bin as I crack the shits with third batch of dough for the day, or a life that will end in the accomplishment of being cooked and eaten. Hell, I'll even thrown in an invite to the Blendtacular with every suggestion made... although you may well have to play a game of 'guess the address', if I don't like you, and I do like you, well, remember to bring a hat. And a lifejacket.

In other news, it was my birthday on the weekend! This dredged up memories of rantolotl's passed, and as I sat in a cafe at 9am on Saturday morning casting a wandering eye over the wine list, the words "It's my birthday!" sprang to mind. With the newfound maturity of a 25 year old, I declined the mental invitation, and set about my third cup of coffee for the day. However, this maturity appeared to be a passing thing, and by midday Vomit Girl was mixing up a storm behind the bar. Why? Because it's my birthday! Fueled by a potent combination of alcohol and caffeine, I set about having an enjoyable rest of the day, largely assisted by Kipper's Great Cheesecake Heist©. All in all, it was a very pleasant day - complete with Oom-Pa music and surprise birthday feasts.

In fact, I'm pretty sure the only way it could've been better, was I had had fajitas for lunch. Not just any fajitas, mind you, but this awesome secret recipe fajitas. Mmm... fajitas. Usually known for their tastiness in combining what amounts to a spicy chicken stirfry with salsa, all wrapped up in a tortilla, this awesome secret recipe somewhat strays from these Mexican traditions... by incorporating a can of soup into the mix. Not just any soup mind you, but Campbells Cream of Mushroom soup! Mmm... soup and salsa. Is there anything better in this world?

I mean, really. Looking at that recipe, there seems to be absolutely no need for a can of soup to be introduced. They're taking a perfectly good recipe, perfectly good ingredients, and then tipping a can of condensed soup over the top and acting as if it's some form of unique genius. For fucks sake - it's not the 1960's anymore, and soup is strictly for drinking - not for dousing perfectly fine meals with.

But it appears that Campbells don't just advocate dousing good meals with canned soup, they also seem to suggest you create purposefully bad meals with canned soup. Take 'Souperburger sandwiches' for instance... for all intents and purposes, they seem to be trying to make sandwiches of sloppy hamburger meat (Sloppy Joes, one might call them)... that is, until they decide to add a can of - and I shit you not - 'Campbells Condensed Cheddar Cheese Soup'. Until I read this, I wasn't really aware that cheese was one of those things you could 'soup' so to speak, but it looks like I was wrong. Mmm mm... nummy, nummy.

But it gets better. In Souperburger Sandwiches, Campbell's actually suggested using some real ingredients. If you're not much of a 'real ingredients' sort of person, then maybe 'Cheeseburger pasta' is more your style. Using not one, but two cans of Campbell's soup (Condensed Cheddar Cheese being one of them), this er... recipe manages to create a meal using soup, meat, and a bag of pasta. The method is simpler still - cook beef, add soup and pasta, heat. What could be simpler?!

And with that, I'll leave you to make your suggestions in the field of giant foods, please be warned though, if any submissions involve soup, I'll fucking drown you in it - Remember, it's my birthday.

The Rantolotl.


Fandango Jones said...

Cheese Soup? Jesus Tittyfucking Christ! I think we need some of that to use as a 'dressing' on the Mac'n'cheese pizza...

Your birthday has passed, in it's usual drunken frenzy of 'mystery drinks' - but since Trial by Soup is such a good idea I think that the 'birthday rule' can stay in effect for now.

Bozza said...

I'm looking forward to having four days off for the Easter weekend!

...And the Lordeth said...Thou shalt take Holy of thy Easter weekend by playing Uno on thy MSN!

Krus said...

Cheeseburger Pasta. If you don't live in Frankston or, Adelaide or anywhere incest is considered normal i would have to say to avoid this food. Mmmm, redneck bolognese.

Rat said...

Happy Belated Birthday Nanners!

My LARGE food suggestion is home-made sausage. Grind up all of the leftovers from the other large foods and encase them in a very large intestinal casing (you know any fat guys you could steal this from?).

Take care and hope to talk soon!

Anonymous said...

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