Thursday, February 23, 2006

The bathroom, mark 2.

I don't mean to harp on about our bathroom at work, but things are just getting stupid. This is the latest sign to appear in there:

In an effort to entice users of this lavatory to maintain a basic level of hygiene and show consideration for the female population of Level 10, we have provided a supply of disinfectant products and paper towels - PLEASE USE THEM.

And when I say "appear in there", I mean on the back of every fucking cubicle door, the second entrance door, etc etc. What on earth do they think people are doing in there? In the entire time I've been here the worst I've encountered in some fierce looking skid marks in the bowl, and that was only once. I'd go so far as to say that these facilities fall into my 'top 5 workplace toilets' list - on the whole, they are clean, they have excellent airflow (no lingering foul smells), they stock excellent soap in the dispensers, and hell, they even have showers. This lead me to the conclusion that the moron who wrote the sign and stuck it everywhere is on crack.

So I started asking people around the office if they knew what had happened. The responses varied from recoiling in abject horror that I could ask such a question, to outright denial of signs and all mention of the event. Something had gone down, and I want to know what it was. Maybe it was so horriffic that people were scared to talk about it, maybe people thought it was me who did it, or maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that EVERYONE WHO WORKS HERE IS A FUCKING PRUDE!

But now - thanks to Ms Crackhead - every time I got to the bathroom, I stare at the sign, and picture what exactly could've happened where I sit. How could this possibly require disinfectant and paper towels? Surely if it was all that bad, we'd be given gloves, mask, a series of scrubbing brushes, a bucket, and a bomb disposal squad. How, how can something so apparently evil simply be cleaned with a paper towel? If whoever committed the obscenity-that-must-not-be-named was too disgusted to clean up said unsaid obscenity, presumably the availability of paper towelling would not change their stance on this issue... I mean, what the hell do they think toilet paper is christs sake?!

This is driving me mad. Every day, I use this toilet and am further confronted by the frustration that is not knowing what the hell happened. Was it something invisible? Even more worrying, was it something invisible only to me?! I need to know - for my own personal safety and amusement. I have written a letter (below) and neatly placed a copy in each cubicle with a stolen pen. Daily, I will check to see if any responses have been made, and will keep the good readers of rantoltol posted on the toilet conspiracy. Only the good ones - you bad ones can go to fucking hell already. You heard me, fuck off!

Nah, no really, come back, it's okay. I was only joking. C'mon, give me a hug - That's right, all of you are bad in my eyes.

Despite my frustration, clearly there is a winner here, and it's me & my household. As long as they keep being disgusted at imaginary unsanitary events, our house keeps in stock of disinfectant and cleaning agents. Fantastic.

For your reference, the letter:


CJ said...

New cleaning products? Woohoo - and in time for the weekend too. What fun we will have at home with those...

Esmerelda Smith said...

Leave an alternative sign up that says...

If you shit on the seat... thats just not neat.
If you shit on the floor, please lock the door.
If you shit on yourself, theres towels on the shelf.If you shit on the walls... your a fucking gymnast... congratulations.

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