This post officially marks 110 published Rantolotls! Fanfare please!
Actually, it seems kind of strange, because it's been pottering along for some time now - since February 2006 in fact - , and it really feels like I should have a lot more than 110 of them. Perhaps if I counted them by paragraph I'd feel more accomplished. But none the less, 110 it is, which I suppose equates to one post every week and a half or so, which is obviously a little shy of the original intention of a once a week posting. That said, I think there's been gaps of a month or more along the way too, so lets stick with every week and a half being a good thing.
Interestingly, I get less comments than I used to, but have much higher regular readership and lots of small numbers on my stat-a-majig, however, small numbers that I can't possibly account for in terms of people I know. So I'll chalk that up as a win, I reckon. Also, I suppose I should take this moment to introduce myself to those readers I don't know. Hello to you all! I'm glad you're here, and I hope you enjoy your stay!
Over the last couple of years, my rants have varied greatly. From mocking my housemates, to complaining about Connex, to trying to implement a terribly flawed and indeed failed points system, to complaining about Connex, to mocking my friends, and indeed, complaining about Connex. I think there's probably a lot of bitching about work in here too, but I really can't be fucked looking through the archives. Oh wait, just last week will do. But I feel some of the more important events documented here are the fierce and ongoing rivalries. Such as the square/round scone issue. Believe it or not, this remains a contentious issue in my social circles, but I am proud to say that many have been recruited to the side of the round. Soon, we will be able to completely ostracise those foolish enough to slice their fucking scones into squares.
Which brings me to another baked goods issue, one that I hope can unite all appreciators of the bakery, regardless of scone preference. I am referring, of course, to the occurrence - or indeed lack thereof - of savoury muffins.
I think savoury muffins are tops. I'm not at all a fan of their sweeter cousins, but I do really enjoy a nice savoury muffin, preferably complete with feta, pumpkin, and perhaps some roasted red peppers. They are absolutely fantastic, and everything a delicious lunch/snack should be. The problem is, I can't seem to locate anywhere in my little chunk of the CBD that actually sells them. Hudsons claim to, but then again, Hudsons claims to make coffee and not sugar filled, crunchy sludge. Their 'savoury muffins' actually appear to be quiches, and given the only fillings they seem to offer are egg and bacon, I'm guessing that's exactly what they are. Fucking hell that place is backwards.
But I don't get it. I used to find savoury muffins everywhere I went. Now, the only place I can say for sure actually stocks them is Cafe V in East Melbourne (and they're pretty excellent). Why has Melbourne abandoned the savoury muffin? Why?
Unfortunately, with the advent of Drink for Change the hunt is only going to become more difficult as I strenuously avoid every fucking cafe that's signed up to this feelgood cashgrab whose one credit is in demonstrating its ability to manipulate a public complacent enough about water use to not actually pressure its government to enforce sensible policies, but suffering from middle-class guilt just enough to accept the ridiculous argument of consumer use being the root cause.
To cut a long and stupid story short, Drink for Change is a collaboration of cafes who will be asking patrons to make some kind of payment or donation in return for tap water at their table. Somehow - just somehow - this is meant to raise awareness for water wastage, and will assist in funding participating cafes in switching to water saving devices and so on. And here I was thinking that water wastage/usage could be addressed most effectively at an industry and planning level. You know, silly ideas like using grey water to flush toilets, water gardens etc. Perhaps even legislating that all new constructions must collect their own rainwater runoff and use its powers for good and not evil.
But trivialities like that aside, I for one, didn't realise that drinking water was wasting it. In fact, I was operating under the strange illusion that water was somewhat necessary to my survival as a human being. But clearly I was wrong. Bottled water, on the other hand, is completely sustainable. My theory is that the plastic bottles it comes in generate the water magically, which is fair enough I suppose, given the amount of water that goes into the production process for the bottles, let alone other environmental costs associated with shipping and distribution, etc.
Things like this really piss me off. Cafes are fucking businesses, not a public service that's scraping funds together. When the cost of electricity goes up, as it often does, we don't get asked to make a donation for the lighting in our area, or indeed the increased cost of operating a sandwich press - at worst, we see a small rise in the costs of the products the shop sells. In fact, that's kind of the whole notion of setting up a business and selling your wares. You don't just sell a fucking muffin for the cost of the base ingredients - you sell a muffin at a price higher than the proportional cost of the labour involved in manufacturing and serving the muffin, the capital investment involved in making the muffin (ie, oven), the rent on your shop, etc etc. But all this is moot, since you won't sell any fucking muffins anyway, you bastards.
So please, tell me all about your favorite savoury muffin recipes, or indeed where to purchase them (quality suggestions only please). Alternatively, share your favorite rantolotl moment, and I'll get off my arse and update the disgrace that is my sidebar. Oooh, and if you look to your left, you will find a brand spanking new poll for your enjoyment!